Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
