you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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