Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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