someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
