You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
