So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
