I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
