On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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