you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You took a bar mat shot.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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