so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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