Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
