my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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