If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
