ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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