my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
