so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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