my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
