oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
