Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
