I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
