I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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