BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
