This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
