I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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