I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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