I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
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She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
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Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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