a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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