Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize