Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
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