careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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