If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
