my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
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