i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Randomize
