I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
No stitches, just platelets and will power
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
