The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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