I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
