Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
