you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
