I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
