is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
