I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
