we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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