Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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