So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
