you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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