According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
