if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
