i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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