member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
