So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize