I will die if light touches me.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
