Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
