If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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