Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Someone shit on the floor
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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