You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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