You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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