New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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