Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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