oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You are a genius and a whore.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
