I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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