i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
