Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
