I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
