it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
