Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
