my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
