We're facebook friends in real life
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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