I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
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